Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
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I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
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We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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