I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
