He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
