The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
