Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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