who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I supernannyed him into submission
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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