nutella sex= disaster
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
