i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
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we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
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I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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