I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
