God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
