You're completely useless in the revolution.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
