i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
