We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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