Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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