I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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