So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
