i just wanna soil my oats bro
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
