now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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