even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Someone came in the potted fern
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
