You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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