If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
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