I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
