i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
