I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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