I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Can Purell be used as lube?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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