i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
