She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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