dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
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I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
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Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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