Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
