Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
