Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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