Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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