this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
