'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
