i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
