dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Randomize
