Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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