mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
