Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
