Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
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He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
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The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize