he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
