i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
