I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
