I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
