i permit you to call me
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
