I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
