So drunk its hurt
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm both gender and math confused
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
