Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
