I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
