so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
