You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
