At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I still have a little drunk in my system
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
