So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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