i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
