Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
