i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
