I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
