After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
