I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
