Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
