my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
