Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
