We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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