i think my mom watched the whole time
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
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the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
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He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
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