i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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