The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
