U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
